Everybody has a purpose in life, it may take some longer than others to find it or figure it out, but everyone has a calling in life. So, last week I reposted my roommate Mak’s very personal blog called Scars. It was honestly one of the best things I’ve ever read, which inspired me to write this.
Viewer Discretion is Advised, kinda lol!
So if you know me, I’m outgoing, always joking and laughing, I’m just a happy person at all times no matter the situation (for the most part lol). That wasn’t always the case; I used to be extra nerdy and a little shy, which there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. But eventually in high school, I “broke out of my shell” and became the Chaz you know and love, lol. High School has probably had the most impact on my life, believe it or not. The story I’m going to tell you, I’ve only mentioned to 3 of my closest friends, not even my parents know (well now they do after reading this lol).
As said before I’m an outgoing person, which happened in High School to my remembrance. However, even though everything seemed fine on the outside, I wasn’t together on the inside. A couple of times in 10th, I put on a fake facade as if everything was ok, but I was not ok. During these instances, I questioned myself a lot. The weird thing was that I always asked myself the same four questions, Who I am? Why Do I Exist? What’s my purpose? Would things be different if I didn’t exist? The main thing that honestly messed with my head a lot is would things be different if I didn’t exist aka why live. This is where the blog takes a severe turn.
During these instances in the 10th grade, I wouldn’t say I was depressed, but I wasn’t myself for sure. During this time, I would hear little voices in my head, pretty much telling me to harm myself. I would mostly hear the voices at home which were terrible. Just imagine sitting at the kitchen table having a conversation, then here comes the waves of voices. Imagine hearing random voices in your head, pretty much telling you to end it all. Sometimes it would be so detrimental that I would just let the shower run and I would stand in front of the sink and mirror, switching my eyes from my image to the knife I snuck in the bathroom. The only things going through my head was, What if I wasn’t here? Should I end it all? Along with the voices as well. I honestly struggled for a while because I’m not an emotional person, I don’t like speaking about my feelings or anything. I tend to keep things balled up and just let them pass. All of this stemmed from me questioning my purpose! One day I spoke to one of my closest friends and told him what was going on. Clearly, as a good friend he helped me out and gave me words of wisdom because, during this actual conversation with him, I was listening to him speak while also staring at the knife pressing against my wrist. He convinced me that I had a purpose and how things would be veryyyyyy different if I tried to hurt myself. I don’t know what was so significant about him saying that but from that day on, I heard no more voices or NEVER QUESTIONED MY PURPOSE IN LIFE. I never understood why at the time, but confiding in a person can really help you.
From that day on I took a new approach to life, and simply just live life to the fullest because it can be taken away from you at any giving moment! Which leads me to my next story, which happened last December. Last year, well December of 2016 (couple days before Christmas), I was in a horrific car accident. I was driving home from practice because we only had four days for Xmas break… the life of a college athlete lol.
Anyways, I was on the highway three exits away from my house, and I saw this guy driving recklessly behind me. I remember it like it was yesterday, I was in the right lane and this guy was in the left lane. I said to myself; I hope he doesn’t try it because previously he was weaving in and out of traffic. About 2 minutes later, he cut across two lanes of traffics and magically wanted to cut me off. Welp that didn’t happen or end well. When I saw the front of his car about to crash into my driver’s door, everything went in slow-mo… then suddenly, BOOM. He crashed directly into my driver’s door, which caused me to swerve off of the road. I was heading straight for a concrete barricade then I ultimately got control of the steering wheel seconds before I would have smashed into it. I swerved back unto the road, lost control, hit the bottom of a concrete overpass which caused my car to flip three times…bouncing off of the pavement twice, ending in my car sliding upside down for about 50 feet. Confused, disheveled, and blind (because my glasses broke on impact and I can’t see anything without, #TheMaleVelma), the first thing I did was check my legs to see if I was paralyzed or anything. I saw that I was ok, so that was a sigh of relief, even though my head was pressed against the roof of my car because it was upside down. I unbuckled my seatbelt trying to find a way out; I crawl toward the back of my car in which I saw a white light (which was apparently the sky and sun but I could see anything). Long story short, I crawled out of the trunk of my car unto the highway, traffic was at a standstill, and I just walked to the side of the road with only a scratch on my wrist.
I can say, that was the most humbling experience I’ve encountered. My life flashed before my eyes. But I’m happy these occurrences have happened to me, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I can sincerely say, I’m honestly blessed and love my life. After the car accident, I got a tattoo on my wrist that says “imagine.” Many people always question me and say “Why did you get the word imagine tattooed?” I always answer, Why not, just imagine. The word imagine can be used in any content, phrase or sentence. Imagine, if I didn’t exist? Imagine if I didn’t make it out of the car? Imagine, I wasn’t destined for greatness! Imagine not living life to the fullest! Imagine, Sport Changes Life never blessed me with the opportunity to be apart of this program and share this blog with you! Simply…IMAGINE!
If something is on your mind or bothering you, say it. SPEAK UP! Talking about something that has been affecting you, can genuinely make you feel better and it will give you a sense of weight lifted off of your shoulders. Don’t leave things bottled up! Finally, forgive and forget! Some situations may be harder to overlook than others, but try to forgive at least. Life is too short to hold grudges and live with hatred.
Listen, to the everybody reading this; YOU HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE! YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE UNIQUE, YOU ARE BLESSED, AND YOU ARE SPECIAL IN YOUR OWN WAY! You must love yourself no matter what. Learn to accept your flaws and insecurities, know your worth and never lose faith. Never let people try to knock you or sway you away from your dreams and aspirations. Always remember, somebody is proud of you. One of my favorite phrases is “Carpe Diem” which means seize the day! Simply seize the day, take advantage of every opportunity you encounter and enjoy life. Life is to short to take anything for granted, and you never know what people may be going through. You can be a role model for somebody you would never think of. You never know what kind of impact or influence you may have on a person’s life. The little things matter and that can mean the world to a person, a simple “hey, how are you doing?” can make a person’s day.
Please try to see the good in people and lol just go out every day and try to live your best life! Lastly, always remember to smile and if you are passionate about something, go for it! You have a purpose in life and legacy to live, “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take,” so take that shot!
-Chazito Out✌🏽
