I am about to attempt to complain without coming across as ungrateful or petulant. As a disclaimer; I’m happy to be here, but it’s been a rough ride lately. A decent chunk of it stems from the fact that my golf game is nowhere near where I expect it to be. Not having easy access to transportation means I rarely get to practice, yet here I spent the last few days at a tournament in England at a beautiful links course. Normally, I would expect to compete to win this tournament, but I missed the cut, and frankly I was embarrassed to see the only American flag on the leaderboard sitting next to my name in the “missed cut” category. If this weren’t my second straight missed cut (dating back to October), I’d say it may have something to do with the fact that I sprained my wrist two weeks ago while boxing. But I digress.
I’m not that upset about not getting to practice. I usually spend a good chunk of winter without touching a golf club when I’m back home. It’s a nice mental and physical reset. But then when I get back into competing, I am used to resuming spending 40+ hours a week working on my golf game to improve and prepare to compete at the highest level. Here, I am lucky to get 4 hours a week. It’s not anyone’s fault, really. It’s just a logistical issue. Not practicing doesn’t frustrate me, but going to compete when I haven’t been able to practice? That does. Maybe its because I’m really competitive, or maybe its because I’m just used to maintaining a much higher standard of play. I had not missed a cut in any event since I was 18, and now I’ve missed two in a row.
Additionally, I’m finally experiencing what people mean when they say that grad students are often broke. I am at a point where doing anything fun requires serious contemplation for the reason of not having much money or any substantial source of income, and it is undoubtedly affecting my attitude.
Luckily, I have found use of the time I would otherwise be using to practice. I have been working out more lately and getting into better shape than I may have ever been. I have always enjoyed being active, but ever since I started pushing myself by taking up boxing I have been enjoying the cardio side of things as well (which is new). The habits I’m forming right now will hopefully stick with me for a long time. I’ve never before enjoyed running or jumping rope, but lately it has been something I look forward to.
Golf has always been the most important thing in my life. I live and breathe the game. I study its history and architecture, I listen to too many golf podcasts, I love browsing photography of different courses, I tinker with my own equipment, and I even stare out car windows imagining how a course would look laid out upon the land I’m driving by. I sacrificed lots of things to become the player I am today. I’m not a natural talent, I worked for it. I missed countless concerts, parties, and trips with family or friends, rejected internship opportunities and even ended multiple relationships along the way. And I don’t regret any of it. It has brought me thus far and introduced me to people and opportunities I will always be thankful for. It is just that it is unsettling when something consumes your life and then has to take a backseat. I just have to keep channeling my energy in the right ways and I’ll be fine.
